Co-parenting is an act of service. A selfless, conscientious act that solely represents and protects what is best for your child. Below are some basic rules that help me communicate with my daughter's father better and more effectively. These rules have also helped me support my daughter's relationship with her dad. It’s important to know that these rules will not change the “family” dynamic immediately. It’s a process. One step at a time, one day at a time.
Rule #1: Understand how you should communicate. This is the most important rule. It is essential to understand who you had a child with. Their intellectual capacity, emotional intelligence, their experiences, their exposures, and their rearing. This step takes time and discipline especially if you’re the custodial parent. However, mastering this step will allow you more peace with rule #2.
Rule #2: Understand when communication is needed. Communication between parents should only be about the shared child. I’ve gotten into the habit of handing my daughter the phone when her dad calls and before they hang up, follow up with pertinent things such as upcoming pick up time, homework, school meetings, doctor appointments, etc. I apply the “work relationship” rule of thumb, typically applied to boss/employee relationship. The less I talk with my child’s father translates into how well things are going. The only time you should communicate with each other is for the well being of the child. Hold yourself and the other parent accountable.
Rule #3: Respect court orders. If there is an open child support case then respect the court order. If a parent is not paying child support don’t harass them about it. They are fully aware of what they should be doing. Submit a formal complaint to the courts and/or request a court date.
Rule #4: Be honest. Honestly, this is the hardest rule for me but it’s extremely important. Do not lie to your child. Of course be considerate of their age, maturity, and emotional intelligence. There is always a constructive way to articulate things to your child.
Rule #5: Do not talk bad about the other parent in front of the child. Also, try not to allow family members to break this rule.
Rule #6: Be strong enough to support when applicable. It’s important to realize that when good things happen to you or the other parent it directly affects the child. Nurture that energy for your baby’s benefit.
Rule #7: Pray without ceasing. Pray for your relationship with your child. Pray for your child’s relationship with the other parent. Also, pray for the other parent. The last one can be a doozy, but if you can’t find the words then just say, “Lord, may your will be done”. It gets easier after this, trust me!
