Introducing: A.L.I.E.N. LIVING: The Journey of Being Authentic (blog)
Welcome All whether an A.L.I.E.N., Groover or Neighbor! WELCOME!
This is the beginning of a new blog documenting me, MJ and others walking out this journey of Authenticity. I have grappled with this all my life. The “Who Am I” has lingered in the back of my head always. I was a chameleon of sorts. I was never the same person with everyone. I thought if people really knew what I was thinking or doing, they would reject me. This truly affected my relationships, whether monogamous or romantic. I was always striving to do things so that I could be accepted by others. Not just accepted, but loved. I never knew that the fact is I was created to be my individual self with all my AMAZINGNESS and shortcomings. I didn’t know that if someone couldn’t handle certain things about me that it would be their loss, not mine. But because I was so unaware of my own value I strived for the wrong things. I allowed situations that should have never been.
It was not until last year during prayer and meditation that the word Authentic came to me. According to the dictionary, Authentic means… “of undisputed origin, genuine”. Being authentic means we are at our purest form, undeniable. The issue is I have found for myself I had masked my true self due to disappointments, hurts, heartbreak. I had made these declarations over my life that I would never allow this or that to affect me. For example, I came home at the age of 10 or so and my dad had moved out. My mom never explained to me why, she just said “daddy is going to live in his own house”. I would spend some weekends with him, etc. Now what that did to me silently was opened a window for me to create a protective layer to keep me from being disappointed like that again. I was angry with my dad for leaving and staying gone. I was a daddy’s girl. Not having him in the home affected me more than I actually knew growing up. So, I decided that I would never let another man get that close to me. That I would not allow myself to ever fall in love, because when you do, they just give up and go live somewhere else. I had created a character. A young lady who on the outside seemed to be all into the guy she was seeing, but on the inside I was plotting my next move with the next guy because of this seed of abandonment and fear that had been planted in me the day my dad moved out. Now what does this have to do with being authentic? My pure genuine self is very into commitment. I am very into partnerships and building with someone, but the cover up I had built was a woman afraid of commitment, who didn’t want it. I had convinced myself that no man would ever want to settle down with me that I wasn’t worth, all based on my dad moving out.
I hope that as you read this documentation of my own personal exploration that you will see that you too are on this journey to authenticity. And maybe… just maybe you will discover you’re an A.L.I.E.N. too!
A – AUTHENTICALLY
L – LIVING
I – INTRINSICALLY
E – EVOLVING
N – NATURALLY
Talk to you soon!
Megan